Addis Ababa—In an unprecedented culinary revelation that has left food historians and grandmothers alike scratching their heads, Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed recently declared that Ethiopians have never actually eaten chicken. According to the Prime Minister, what citizens have been consuming for generations is not the beloved Doro Wot (chicken stew) but rather an “onion stew with a hint of poultry.”
The statement was made during the grand opening of a new state-of-the-art chicken farm, where the Prime Minister took a moment to educate the nation on their long-standing dietary misconceptions. “You see,” Abiy began, with the confidence of a man about to rewrite history, “what we have been calling ‘Doro Wot’ is, in reality, just onion stew. The chicken is merely a side character in the dish, not the main attraction.”
This bombshell announcement has sent shockwaves through Ethiopian households, where Doro Wat has been a centerpiece of national pride and culinary identity. “I always knew something was off,” said one local chef. “Every time I made Doro Wat, the onions were always the star of the show. The chicken was just… there. But who would have thought? The PM has finally opened our eyes!”
Critics have been quick to point out the political genius behind Abiy’s remarks. “It’s a brilliant move,” said one analyst. “By declaring that Ethiopians have never really eaten chicken, he’s managed to simultaneously downplay the rising cost of poultry and redirect the national conversation toward the virtues of the humble onion. It’s economic policy disguised as culinary enlightenment.”
The PM’s onion-centric worldview has not stopped at chicken stew. Rumors are swirling that Abiy is considering a nationwide rebranding of traditional dishes. Kitfo? “Raw onion with a side of minced meat.” Tibs? “Sautéed onion with a touch of beef.” Even Shiro is not safe, as sources claim it will soon be referred to as “onion puree with a hint of chickpeas.”
However, the boldest proposal yet is the rumored plan to replace the rooster as the symbol of Ethiopian farms with a giant onion. “Onions are the backbone of our cuisine,” said an unnamed official. “We need to embrace our true national heritage.”
Reactions from the public have been mixed. Some have embraced the change with open arms, excited about the newfound appreciation for onions. Others, however, remain skeptical. “What’s next?” one bewildered citizen asked. “Are they going to tell us that injera is just a giant sourdough pancake and not a cultural treasure?”
In the meantime, chicken farmers across the country are scrambling to adapt to this new reality. One farmer expressed his confusion: “I’ve spent my whole life raising chickens, and now you’re telling me I should have been planting onions instead?”
As the nation digests this latest piece of news—along with their onion-laden meals—it remains to be seen how this onion revolution will reshape Ethiopia’s culinary landscape. But one thing is for sure: the next time you sit down to enjoy a plate of Doro Wat, remember, it’s not chicken you’re eating. It’s a celebration of the mighty onion, with just a sprinkle of poultry on the side.
In a final remark at the farm inauguration, PM Abiy left the audience with a thought-provoking question: “If it’s really the onion we’ve been eating all along, do we even need the chicken?” Only time—and a lot more onions—will tell.